Failure

Last week while walking with a friend I blithely mentioned that seeing people dealing with failure was most inspiring to me. I don't mean any failure, but real failure: giving everything, making every effort, and yet coming up short. I suppose what inspires me is not the failure itself, but the actions some take in the face of failure. I see people that fight back and try again. Sometimes trying again and again and again. I see others getting up and trying something else, looking until they find success. That is inspiring.

To me, not losing hope, not despairing, when failing is true strength. We are no Spartans here. In this world in which we live there are few times when one can exhibit the courage and strength displayed in those that face failure and try again. I guess in times of war great courage is needed. In times of loss too. Failure just gives another chance see where our values fall.

Failure requires courage in part because so much of our value as individuals is wrapped up in success. To fail is to lose. To fail is to reveal yourself as insufficient. Failure forces one to question their own value. Am I good enough? Will I ever get it right? Will I always come up short? There is fear in failure. There is shame.

It also raises a very important question of how should we value ourselves? Why success? Should we measure ourselves less on our accomplishments, our successes, than on our attempts? Is a whole-hearted failure worth more than an easy success? In theory I agree. Though life seems to disagree. In science papers, no matter the effort, bring worth, in jobs clients, or sales have the same affect. There is no easy metric for measuring effort and desire.

I guess what i find so inspiring about those that truly fail and yet continue is that you know they have given it everything. They truly put themselves out on the line. They held nothing back becoming vulnerable. And when the self-doubting is the strongest they somehow manage to try again, or fight back, or get up and look for something new. Where do they hold their value? How do they measure themselves?

In some sense I wish I could know that feeling. That feeling of failure. I want to know what it is to truly go for broke. I want to know what it is to come up short. I would hope that I possess the courage to get back up and try something new. But I doubt it. I took a difficult class last year. When the going got tough, I got to dropping the class to audit. I could see the writing on the wall and I knew where I was headed. So I jumped ship.

My friend, with whom I was speaking about failure, asked whether I was just too smart and talented, or if I had not taken big enough risks. I laughed. Clearly I haven't taken the risk. I know that to be true. So here's to taking risks. I don't really want to fail, but I do hope that should it occur, I have the courage to try again, the strength to get back up, to utter my barbaric yelp to the world and announce that I, I will try again.